The Secret to Eternal Happiness

5/1/13

Hello. 

My name is David O'Brien, and if you are reading this, you are probably an acquaintance of mine, a friend, or  a mere strange with nothing else to do on your boring Saturday morning. 

The point of this blog will be to perform one of a few mere tasks:

1.) Intrigue and spark the individual minds of the readers. 

2.) Talk about bicycle racing (the pedal kind, without a motor).

3.) Give me something to do on my boring Saturday mornings.

4.) Humor myself, or (hopefully) YOU. 

Here's a picture of an orange shaped like a banana...
or a banana with an orange inside it.

Alright, enough of the jibber-jabber. The real question you are asking yourself is "What is 'The Secret to Eternal Happiness' David? " 

Well here it goes. 

I live in an area that is highly hippy populated, specifically right next to the Evergreen State College campus. The school, however quite prestigious for it's art programs, has a lot of pot-smokin' , life-lovin', grateful-dead-listenin'-to hippies. 

After roaming around these parts for a while, I decided to try and figure out what made these individuals so motivated and happy all the time (besides all the THC running through their bloodstream 24/7). 

So I decided to ask one of them one day. His/her name was Matt or Jon or Hillary or something, but all I remember is that they gave me the answer. They told me about how Matt Groening, the creator of The Simpsons, used to go to this specific college.

No really, he used to go there, check it out!

I think the B.A. stands for Bad-Ass.

The ancient spiritual guru dude/chick told me how Groening was in a very exclusive frat while attending Evergreen. While there, he and his possy developed a pamphlet known as the "Secret to Eternal Happiness." In it lied the greatest truth of all time, the one desire that every human being wanted: Eternal Happiness. 

Ah I remember their name! It was Lonph (the 'p' is silent). 

So Lonph showed me back to their buddy's apartment where this pamphlet actually was. When I walked into the small musk-filled room,  I saw it sitting on a counter close by.

On the paper lied a potion full of herbs and spices that one must drink in order to receive never-ending blissfulness. 

Here's the list: 

-1 leaf (doesn't matter what kind, what color, or where you got it from)

-17 gallons of water

-3 rat tails

-2 tsp. cumin

-a go-gurt (fully packed, and frozen)

-1 pint of human blood

and...

-a dash of salt

Alright, all of that was fake. Matt Groening did go to Evergreen State College though!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Here's the real truth behind Eternal Happiness, written by yours truly:

1.) Look for the best in others. No one is exactly what they appear on the outside. Doing this will open up new friendships you never thought could exist. 

2.) Smile. Even when you're sad. You have no idea how much a simple smile can improve someone's day. 

3.) Get sleep. When you don't get enough sleep, you are not allowing your body to fully recover from all of the work it gets done during the day. This is very important for long term memory, as well as muscle recovery.

4.) Get outside and work out. Whether that means going on a small walk everyday or working in a field hours on end. The human being, as well as all other animals were designed to live outdoors. One large problem, especially with Americans, is their constant need to sit inside and not get much work done. When you go outside and get your blood pumping, your heart rate rises, motivation strikes, and voila! Happiness.

5.) Don't spike your blood pressure too often. Doing this makes you feel really really really really good, and then really really really really bad. 

6.) Think happy, be happy. It's as simple as that. 

7.) Go into each day knowing that you can accomplish literally **anything** you want to. There are no boundaries for what you can do! I mean, unless you're scared... 

That brings up another point...

8.) Expand your own limits. In aerobic sports, we can reference the 'zone'. (i.e. zone 1, zone 2, etc.). Without pushing these limits, you will never will reach your full potential. 

9.) Have a hobby. I like to play piano and sing. 

10.) Never be afraid to talk to strangers. This is how new relationships form, some good and some not so good. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it was also the same intellectual force that created the light bulb. 

☮Deuces☮

-DOB